The sun rises and as morning starts, the sound of cups and cutlery resounds from the kitchen, water flows from the taps, stairs creak and doors slam, as the children go up and down the hallway to get ready for a new day. The house slowly awakes and a bright new beginning beckons.
I am a teaching assistant, working in a primary school which means that moments of quiet are few and far between. Voices of children are the background of my day and my full attention is constantly asked of me, usually by more than one child at a time.
With maternity leave approaching what I was most looking forward to was that moment of silence and order when the children were at school and the baby was fed and down. A moment of quiet I used to treasure in the years before I started working.
This time around, things haven’t quite worked out as I had planned…
Life is not static and new situations need to be addressed all the time whether we are ready for them or not.
With the children growing into young adults and babies joining the family the balance of the house has suddenly changed, changes I hadn’t really taken into consideration and wasn’t quite ready to embrace just yet.
As the clock would strike 9pm all the children used to be tucked up in bed, and we’d enjoy some well-earned quiet after a tiring day.
Well, no longer… The family has grown both in numbers and in age and daily life is now flowing differently.
Suddenly your older children are taller than you, you are still holding a baby in your arm and little people fill your rapidly shrinking house. Every evening the clock still striking 9pm, the younger children are tucked in bed as usual, but that quiet now remains elusive as the older children grow up and develop their own routines.
After prayers, a blessing and a goodnight kiss the younger ones happily lay down… but that silence of a household that is winding down is now a distant memory.
Now as the light in the nursery goes off… lights around the house are still on. Noises of showers, doors slam, stair creaks, one last tea for one, one last green tea for the other, seem to go on forever and that longed for quiet is never achieved. The weekends are filled with more noise, more people, more cousins, more friends… there is nowhere to hide.
They are growing up and I have to remind myself that this is their house too…
I guess I have reached yet another new stage of my life as a mother and the whole having a big family thing has just hit me… again… and being in the smallest house we’ve lived in so far with the greatest number of children can at times be very challenging. This is the life we chose, the life God has allowed us to have and we’re learning to go with it.
The children are growing up and though I am struggling with the noise, the mess and the constant encouragement to keep rooms tidy… I need to remember that even this is a stage that will pass very quickly, a stage we will look back on, in our old age when there will be silence and quiet to spare and wish we could relive it.
Noise is a bi-product of life and when it all seems too much we should remember that silence belongs to the grave.
Yesterday while the family was having dinner together, as usual, Elena told us that her teacher had asked her whether it was true that we spent about an hour around the dinner table every day... Then turning towards me she asked "Why mum... doesn't every family do that?... it is so natural (meaning normal) to do it?" She was genuinely surprised to hear that it's quite rare for families to eat together on a weeknight.
Cooking dinner and having a good meal together is time consuming and requires a lot of effort and forward planning. You learn lots of shortcuts and little tricks but it takes time and practice.
Elena is right, it comes very 'natural' to us and it is possible because of the choices we made like very few activities in the evening and jobs that allow us to spend time together though they will never make us millionaires =).
The dinner table is one of the 3 altars of Marriage , it is where many important moments of our life are shared, it is where communion among the family is acquired, empathy is nurtured and most importantly it is where faith is passed on. It is also where we are brought together for a moment of rest at the end of a usually hectic day.
Jesus Himself did much of his preaching around the dinner table... and was lunching here, there and everywhere with sinners, tax collectors and pharisees... (I always knew Jesus was Italian ;-).
Now that the great feast of Christmas is coming the entire family will get together, we will sit (and fit) around a dinner table that grows to meet the grandeur of Jesus's birth. Like last year we will hire a marquee, which we refer to as the 'Tent of Eating', as our houses in London don't have big enough dining rooms to accommodate us all, the table will be beautifully laid, songs and praises will be raised to Heaven, experiences retold, good wine drunk, carefully prepared food shared and enjoyed all in honour of King... and the time spent around the dinner table will start on the 24th and will last for 12 days!
As the time of big dinners approaches to find the right recipe for the right occasion can be quite tricky and your memory goes when looking for an idea. I feel your pain... to help you alleviate your suffering 'The Zelie Group' has put together a little collection of recipes. Here are 3, follow the links below to download/save them all.
be concerned for what is noble in the sight of all.
If possible, on your part, live at peace with all.
Romans 12:1-2, 9-18
This was the second reading we chose for our Wedding Mass. I don't remember much of that day other than the happiness of finally being united before God... We had five priests at our wedding and each had a little something to say to us mostly about being fruitful and multiplying and with six children so far I think they'd approve. They also invited us to open our house without reservations and that also has I think been done.
More than any other words from our wedding day I remember that invitation to exercise hospitality and from the first day we arrived in our little home... we have been blessed continuously with both children and guests. We have practised hospitality sometimes by our own choice and sometimes... because God wanted us to.
I was often worried that we didn't have enough money to entertain or feed others beyond our own family but Pierpaolo always assured me that we could cut elsewhere but never pass up the opportunity to be hospitable. This has stood us in good stead ever since.
1. What's your go-to "someone's coming over" recipe?
Our go-to recipe is a real one-off that can't be found in any cook books or websites so every guest has never had it before (and I'd like to keep it that way!). It's a recipe that was described to me by a cousin's grandmother in Sicily and believe me it's delicious. I'm from Sicily therefore I'm a fan of slow food. Sicilian cuisine doesn't use expensive or complicated ingredients but it takes simple things and invests time and care in them and makes them special. Our favourite recipe is extremely labour-intensive and time-consuming but I think it's a way of showing love to your guest. The recipe involves aubergine rolls filled with pasta and ricotta - if you want more details you'll have to come over for dinner.
2. You have 5 minutes to tidy before guest arrive. What are your tidying shortcuts? I'm afraid that I have a tendency towards OCD and I keep the house in permanent order (in so far as six children allow). My husband's grandmother used to tidy her house spotlessly every night before going to bed just in case someone in the family felt unwell and the doctor had to visit during the night. (I think if you called the doctor nowadays in the UK you'd have plenty of time to tidy up!) I have a bit of a cushion fetish so before people arrive sofa cushions need to be plumped up and in position. I also always have the table laid before people arrive, it gives us more time to spend quality time with guests.
3. What sort of music sets the mood for the perfect gathering?
For us music is what comes naturally after dessert. A guitar or a pianist will magically appear and music begins. My father in law is often at table with us and the classical Neapolitan repertoire (O Sole Mio, O surdato innamorato etc) inevitably follows then Spanish, Irish, English according to the mood and guests.
It feels like yesterday when on the 8th of December the 'Year of Mercy' started and the 'Holy Doors' opened to us pilgrims; the 20th of November is very near and on the feast of Christ the King this special Jubilee will end.
Looking back it has been a fruitful year, full of both trials and graces, new life and great losses. It has been a year where as a family we have been able to, not only, rediscover the Mercy of the Father through receiving Confession regularly, but also bringing His mercy with us daily among the people that surrounds us.
1. What did you do (or can in these last few weeks!) to mark the year?
The local diocese organised all sorts of activities around this special Jubilee. We attended most of the 'Saints of Mercy' talks, organised several family Pilgrimages, went through the 'Holy Doors' a number of times and got a few Indulgences.
The children drew a picture of both the Spiritual and Corporal works of Mercy which was then put on the fridge constantly visible and Mercy was at the centre of many conversations around the dinner table and daily life. We read several 'holy books' to help us in this journey among which 'Divine Mercy for Moms' which naturally led to the desire to read the Diary of Sister Faustina and of course brought us closer to the Divine Mercy devotion. Time spent before the 'Blessed Sacrament' was encouraged and most of the listed 'Works of Mercy' practised with the help of God.
In carrying Maria for 9 months I was greatly encouraged by the beautiful blogpost I read by the title 'The Pregnant Works of Mercy' it inspired me to consciously live these in my body and my soul.
My journey to become a Billings Method teacher was encouraged by one of works of Mercy to 'instruct the ignorant' category and the first one who needed instruction was me. When it comes to Faith there is so much out there to know, learn and discover I trust in other faithful Catholics to constantly instruct me. 2. What Work of Mercy is easiest or most challenging for you? To 'Bear patiently the wrong doing' is the spiritual work of mercy I struggle with...I thirst for justice... which at times doesn't match with Christ's justice. As for the corporal ones, to visit the sick especially in nursing homes is one I still need to practise gracefully.
3. Do you have a story of mercy in your own life to share? Or do you have a favourite saint/quote/resource about mercy to pass along? For the Year of Mercy my husband and I re-read John Paul II's great encyclical on God the Father entitled 'Dives in Misericordia' or Rich in Mercy. There was a particular passage which really struck us and reminded me why I miss St John Paul II so much. He was such a great lover of man, of all humanity and the awe in which he held the dignity of every human person is always an inspiration to live in a more saintly and dignified way. In speaking of our redemption by Christ St John Paul II said the following: "the reality of the Redemption, in its human dimension, reveals the unheard-of greatness of man, 'O Happy fault that merited so great a saviour' (From the Easter Exsultet)" (Dives in Misericordia 7)
A wonderful line which reflects on the greatness of God's mercy which recognised in us his creatures such dignity that we 'deserved' so great a saviour.
Your turn now, leave a comment, share your experience with us:
1. What did you do (or can in these last few weeks!) to mark the year?
2. What Work of Mercy is easiest or most challenging for you? 3. Do you have a story of mercy in your own life to share? Or do you have a favourite saint/quote/resource about mercy to pass along?
Introducing the first JEI (Just Enough Info) weekly link up in collaboration with 'The Zelie Group' where all the members blog about a specific subject. Sports and Exercise Growing up, daily exercise was very much part of my life. I was in a volleyball team from the age of 7 for 5 years, then moved on enjoying figure skating for another 3 years and went back to playing volleyball till I was 17, while I was also doing 'high impact aerobics' competitions with my local gym and played a good amount of football... then Pierpaolo came along and let's say he was not the sporty type... 1. What sports do your kids play? After trying to do what 'REAL' parents do, with my first 3 children, dragging them from one sports club to another and ended up being traumatized by both the parents' competitiveness and the high fees and poor quality of tuition (at least around where I live) ... Now my children don't practise any after school sport. Too much was asked of us, too much commitment for very little results, moreover everything happened on a Sunday, we didn't want to compromise the very precious family time and above all we were not going to sacrifice going to Mass together.
I tried Krav Maga, Football and swimming with the boys, ballet and cheerleading with Elena.
Of course sports are important and the children do a fair amount of exercise in school. Ettore (16) plays football and enjoys his little jog at the end of a long and stressful day. Mattia (14) plays rugby and enjoys (though I tried to discourage him) a little bit of boxing, he also jogs together with his brother. Elena (11) has just started volleyball in her new school and as for the youngest girls (Lucia, 8 and Virginia, 4) they jump, they roll, the go up and down the stairs... really they do exercise all day!
2. What do you do for exercise? I am a mother...always on the run isn't that enough exercise? But really I do miss not being able to do the sport I used to, though sacrifices are needed for greater causes. I did go back to playing Volleyball few years ago but because of the Spanish influence in the family dancing Flamenco has become my favourite form of exercise. I have been dancing on and off for about 3 years even while pregnant ... at the moment I am on maternity leave as I am breastfeeding Maria and don't like leaving her behind just yet, but will go back to dancing very soon. As for Pierpaolo he enjoys watching, rather than playing, football, rugby and Cricket...training his mind and his voice is his preferred type of exercise though he does enjoy a little dance too;).
3. In the Mom Olympics, what would your event be? Relay race is my forte... I can quickly run from one thing to another ...wake up, get dressed, feed the baby, take the children to school, tidy up, do the washing, fold the washing, feed the baby, do some shopping, check the Catholic Mothers FB Page, feed the baby, collect the children, feed the baby, cook dinner, feed the baby, the list goes on...
Your turn now... 1. What sports do your kids play? 2. What do you do for exercise? 3. In the Mom Olympics, what would your event be?
Catholic women bloggers all across the world are publishing posts today on some of the unsung heroes and defenders of the most vulnerable members of society: the unborn. Here's the story of a group doing amazing work in the heart of London.
Although never actively involved in the pro-life movement we've always been a pro-life family. That only changed in 2014 when our eldest son Ettore found himself in a pro life minority at his Catholic school so he started researching arguments and talking points so that he could enter prepared into debates to defend life.
Ettore spent two weeks of work experience at the Society for the Protection of the Unborn Child and he also had the privilege of spending a few afternoons praying the rosary outside abortion clinics .
His first experience outside those facilities was very strong and sitting around the dinner table, the talkative Ettore was left speechless. He brought home the suffering of the women that entered those doors of death. The natural next step was to get in contact with pro-life organizations and see how to help.
Among the Pro Life Organizations in London one in particular came to our attention: the 'Good Counsel Network'.
The big abortion providers in the UK like BPAS and Marie Stopes have plenty of visibility in doctor's surgeries and hospitals while the kind of work done by the Good Counsel Network lies hidden and goes on quietly and constantly saving as many lives as possible.
"Abortion kills twice. It kills the body of the baby and it kills the conscience of the mother. Abortion is profoundly anti-women. Three quarters of its victims are women: Half the babies and all the mothers."
~ Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta ~
Last week despite being in the middle of some vitriolic attacks from the UK national media Clare McCullough one of the founders of the Good Counsel Network found the time to answer some of the questions I've always wanted to ask her.
What inspired you to set up the good counsel network?
A
man I met who was doing this work in Dublin, Eamonn Murphy. He came over to the UK to show us what he was doing in Ireland. Once I saw how he was reaching out to
women I knew I wanted to be involved. At first I waited for someone else to
start it so I could help! But finally he set it up really and dropped it into
my lap. I knew if I didn’t start working on it, it was just going to fizzle out
and I couldn’t bear that happening.
What is the most common reason for a woman to present herself for an abortion?
We see all sorts of reasons. Lots of illegal immigrants with no papers, no rights to work, no rights to housing or benefits and in the UK most people think that “everyone” gets housing and benefits if they are in need. Little do people realise most of these women do not even qualify for help at homeless shelters and so we regularly take 8 month pregnant women off the street. Others arefleeing domestic violence or family disapproval. Many come because they are not in a stable relationship. But if I have to name the one common factor, it is contraception. Even the UK’s two major abortion chains say that about half their “clients” are using contraception when their unplanned pregnancy occurs. Are more Catholics presenting themselves for abortion than one would expect?
There
are too many Catholic women that we see. I think at first I was shocked to see
how many Catholics were looking for abortions. But now I completely understand
that Catholics have had very poor teaching on sexual morality and respect for
life and general catechesis has been poor, at least throughout the West, for
some time now. Naturally this leads to people living as they have been taught.
The weak passing on of the Church’s teaching on contraception is a huge problem
in this regard too. Unfortunately many other Christians are also aborting in
large numbers. But we think it’s a blessing when God sends these ladies to us
and we have a chance to offer alternatives. "Once that living love is destroyed by contraception, abortion follows very easily." ~ Bl. Mother Teresa ~
What is the average age of people presenting themselves from abortion?
In our centre 25-35 is about the average age. But nationally it varies. Young single women from the early teens and up are very vulnerable to abortion. Schoolgirls can have their abortion booked for them by the school nurse and be referred straight away for abortion with no parent being informed.
If you could say one thing to somebody considering abortion what
would it be?
If
the person had any belief in God, I would say, “Please pray about your
decision. Stop for a moment and consider why God has sent this child into your
life now. You may think he or she is a “mistake”, people make mistakes, but God
does not make mistakes.” – it is important that believers recognise that God is
giving them a mission in their life, to be a mother. But whether or not she
believes in God it would be important to build up her self esteem – encouraging
her by helping her see that she can do this – respect her child’s life and
achieve the things she wants to achieve in life, and then putting her in touch
with good, solid support. If she really feels she cannot take on raising her
child, we must also be able to help her compassionately to find life-respecting
choices such as giving her child up for adoption.
When women turn away
from abortion at the door of an abortion centre, 9 out of ten of them say “Well,
I prayed about my decision and then when I turned up I met Jane”[or some pro-life volunteer]. Many of these
women don’t know for sure if they even believe in God. But their prayer seems to be
heard anyway.
What is and what could be the father’s role in all of this?
The father is the missing person most of the time. He is often the reason for the abortion – if he says he doesn’t want the baby the chances of her aborting soar. Some men do come in with the woman, but often just to make sure the abortion happens. Occasionally we see men who desperately want the woman to keep the baby. Of course we support them and advise them in every way, but legally he has no say in her decision – so if he cannot persuade her to keep the baby she will have the abortion. Like women, men need to realise contraception is nowhere near 100% effective in the real world. And if the woman is open to abortion he needs to consider that before he risks a sexual relationship. Once she is pregnant, he will have to be able to address her fears about him or his commitment to her if she is dubious about having the baby. Instead he needs to make a commitment to her (i.e.Marriage) before risking sex and in preparing for that commitment, discover whether or not she and he share an unconditional respect for life.
What kind of practical help do you offer to women once they've decided to keep the baby?
We try to be directed by the Mother as to her real needs. We let her say “If I just had this or that I would cope”. In reality the help is mainly financial help, housing, moral support, legal or medical advice, maternity clothes, a place to hide, help with childcare, baby goods, ongoing counselling. But we are not limited to that and can provide help “outside the box” if the mother-to-be has an unusual request but we can see it would genuinely help.
Can you tell us about one experience that you think back to when
things don't seem to be going so well?
This
work is a continual spiritual battle and in a certain sense things never seem
to be going well, because we often seem to lurch from one crisis (financial
crisis, practical problems) to another (media attacks and so on). But we are so
blessed to see so many women who were once set on abortion keeping their
babies, You have a terrible day, where no-one wants your help or girls in awful
situations get forced into abortions and you feel like you want to give up.
Then you walk out of the counselling room into the reception and there are 3
women with their babies who you remember were in equally awful situations last
year. And the annual Christmas party where we see dozens and dozens of mums we
have been blessed to assist. Also having Mass and Adoration in our Centre each
day really helps us. These things keep you going.
What would you say to people who think that pavement counselling
is judgemental towards women in a difficult moment for life?
I
would say “Go there and see for yourself” Go and see the way these women go in
and how they come out. See women being dragged in there, literally sometimes,
with no advocate on their side. Pope John Paul II said It is not right that
they should be left alone. In the UK, the old model of reaching women via
pregnancy testing and Crisis Pregnancy Centres is dead. Ask your local
pregnancy centre and if they are honest they will tell you they are seeing
almost no-one. As in the UK abortion is mostly free and you can get almost
immediate appointments, anyone with the slightest doubts about their pregnancy
can be shepherded to abortion centres before they have had time to think. We have
actually had to call the police to help women inside the abortion centres who
are calling us from the toilets because they are being pressured by others to
abort! We have recently put some video testimonies of women who we have helped
on the doorsteps of abortion centres on our website www.goodcounselnetwork.comPlease listen to them and then you will
understand why we are there.
How can people
support the 'Good Counsel Network’?
In so many ways! Firstly praying for our work is key. We
believe it is a spiritual battle we are fighting. Secondly, financially.
Supporting mothers in need is an expensive business. Thirdly by volunteering,
maybe coming to pray at Adoration in our Centre (in Central London) or helping
with the work in the Centre, or by volunteering at one of the prayer vigils
outside an abortion centre. You can sign up for any of these options on our
website. And you can sign up for regular texts about women we are praying for
that especially need your help. http://www.goodcounselnetwork.com/
